Ephemeral brainwaves

Filled with emptiness and dread.. being back to where I had begun.. Ebbing anger with eddies of self contempt.. There isn't a place to now go away from myself and run.. Fears crept again from the past where I had buried them last.. Suppressing them have created an obscurial ghost.. Can kill it or hurt others from its shreds the most.. Voices rising in agony and mistrust.. From deep inside that abyss that I would not overcome.. Lest I could make this ache like a bubble burst.. Circles complete with no ends and starts.. This unending sham of pretence and make believe.. Would end only by the wisdom of Descartes..

This is how all the notes were stolen.. Leaving only a long silence of the unkown.. I can feel the depth missing from my words.. When I should be glad of getting over you.. I feel sad for not seeing us together.. Just like all other stories that were cut short.. Ours too was over too soon.. Even if the pain could be weighed.. I would still never let you stay.. I'd keep on sifting through my soul.. Looking for answers to all those whys.. I'd get over my happiness sooner than the gloom.. Reminding how I longed for it to come.. In hope of it being followed by the embrace of love.. Forgetting despair and suffering is not alike for all.. Blaming myself would not make it better.. Acceptance of what it is and letting go of fear of the future.. Is the only way to thrust forward in a world of pretence.. Success and failure too aren't alike for all.. Stand up to strike a new melody.. The mind needs resting not death this soon.. Especially when I only had fo...

And the stories continue in parallel in my head .. Making me shiver at the surreal twists and turns .. Slowly I let go the hold of what was said.. Living with the ghosts, the mind that churns.. Burning feet that gets tended to by a kind soul.. Who would take away your pain even if it blisters his skin instead.. How her suffering had continued and I could never take away it's toll.. Why do on so much guilt  do I still tread.. Saw you happier and roaming the world like Earle. How mind can switch roles and personalities with faces I owned.. And you got engaged to a not so beautiful girl.. Why would that not make me happy and atoned.. Getting my old piano exchanged for your old one.. Replacing the rickety stand you made me buy.. Like correcting your mistakes that I felt you made.. But other questions would still haunt me with why..